Dear Emma,
In your latest letter, you asked, “Do women in our community drink too much? I keep getting invited to girls’ nights and there’s always a plethora of cocktails, ciders and mixed drinks. I don’t know if it’s actually a problem, or if I’m biased because of my past.”
The first question is, are these women getting drunk? If so, then obviously yes, they’re drinking too much. Are they known for being drunk, even if not in front of you? If so, then also yes, they’re drinking too much. I would hope neither of these is the case.
The next question is, at what point do the scales tip on a wisdom issue? Is it wise to regularly have booze at parties? I think this is a question of Christian liberty. The heart issue with alcoholism is idolatry, and I’m reminded of a G.K. Chesterton quote from All Things Considered,
Another savage trait of our time is the disposition to talk about material substances instead of about ideas. The old civilization talked about the sin of gluttony or excess. We talk about the Problem of Drink—as if drink could be a problem. When people have come to call the problem of human intemperance the Problem of Drink, and to talk about curing it by attacking the drink traffic, they have reached quite a dim stage of barbarism. The thing is an inverted form of fetish worship; it is no sillier to say that a bottle is a god than to say that a bottle is a devil.
Gluttony, which includes too much drink, is an idolatry rarely seen alone. It manifests in multiple places, and brings its friends. Are these women overweight beyond what’s reasonable for their stage of life? Do they care too much about their clothes and hair? Do they complain about their husbands and kids? If they do these things, be concerned about more than their drinking. The bigger concern in this case is, why do they like you? If you want to help them grow in godliness, pray for an opening to target the heart problems; don’t just flail around at the individual manifestations of idolatry.
However. Do these women delight in their children? Do they speak respectfully of their husbands? Are they trying to be beautiful without having the freshest hair color or brand new nails? You want to look at the whole picture. If these ladies are godly in other areas, then having a few cocktails over the munchies probably isn’t an issue for them.
To be clear, nothing is wrong with fancy nails or Chanel bags, and there can be medical issues causing weight problems. People can also be allergic to wine. Many of these things, taken alone, are not necessarily indicative of heart problems! But if it has four legs and a tail and goes woof, call a dog a dog.
If these women are struggling in multiple areas, you have a choice to make. Do you stay in the friend group or not? I’ll answer that in a separate letter. Stay tuned for a follow-up.
If your friends are all godly and joyful and respectful and walking with the Lord, the next question to ask is, why are you worried about how frequently they drink? My dad always said you weren’t done with an idol if you still tip-toed around where it used to be (paraphrased). Where is Jesus in this? You’ve tipped over the idol of drunkenness from twenty years ago, but you don’t seem to have smashed it up. Gotta take one out of the leftist playbook and melt that bad boy down like Robert E. Lee. If you’re worried about relapsing, by all means, avoid temptation and don’t drink at girls’ night. There are also reasons to abstain that are not sinful, so don’t yeet into the other ditch and assume these ladies should be drinking more. But in your case, did someone buy margaritas for the table as soon as you sat down? That is the margarita the Lord has made, and you’d better rejoice and be glad in it.
Drinking, like talking, is a matter of discernment. How do you know when to stop your tongue? I would think there is more sin in the talk at an average girls’ night than in their drinks. If the frequency of alcohol makes you uncomfortable, maybe you should host the next party, and see if the ladies still have fun without the drinks. If they rely on the alcohol to have the fun, that might be a good indicator right there.
I sincerely hope you’re not avoiding the wine at the Lord’s Supper! I should have another letter to you shortly regarding what to do if the women at girls’ night are atmospherically ungodly. Let me know in your next if you have questions about what I’ve said here (or comment below).
Blessings,
Mrs. Guisewite
The Rejoicing Heart 