Rachel’s Thoughts: Dentists and Validation

This week was amazing. This week I discovered the Validation short, the 24-hour music video by Pharrel Williams, Sherlock 3 (and watched all three episodes-smiles, tears, and absolute shock), and had a dentist appointment that might have changed my life.


Cats are fantastic. We were privileged enough to dissect them over the pre-Christmas term, and one of them was pregnant. The kittens were amazing. Fully formed, itty bitty little toes, tiny tails, their whole bodies size of quarters.

I love dissections. I always have. And I love Bones. So one day, I thought to myself, Rachel, you should be a mortician.

I was told after a few weeks that I didn’t want to be a mortician, I wanted to be a coroner, and after looking it up, I realized my vocabulary maybe isn’t quite what I thought it was and ‘coroner’ is what I meant all along. I had to go around and fix what I had told people. So awkward, especially since morticians are even creepier than coroners, and I think that even with as few people want to work with dead bodies, even fewer want to put makeup on corpses. Seriously, who does that.

So hurrah, I had a new goal for after college. Or at least, I did until the same lovely person who corrected my terminology also mentioned the seven years of med school required to coronate. Oh, the shock. Does it really take seven years of training to be able to say with certainty, Yep, he’s dead all right?

On the other hand, I’m good at drawing, so after I decided that eleven years of college wasn’t happening I decided to move to Paris and draw, sell my drawings to Americans, then move back to America and sell my drawings to China. I haven’t looked into whether the French will purchase drawings of China, but that would be nice.

I also want to travel with fairs and circuses as a caricature artist.

Right about when I became completely psyched to be an artist and was wondering what color beret to get, I went to the dentist and all the truth and inner thoughts and hopes came flooding out of my mouth when the hygienist, Mike, asked about my post-college plans. Pretty much every childhood wish, in fact, except my thirst for piracy. Seasickness eliminated that one long ago.

“Except for the seven years of med school,” I finished as his tools slid into my gaping mouth and began poking and prodding.

“Well, actually…”

It turns out that our county coroner, according to dentist’s-office rumor, is a practicing attorney, a coroner, and a nurse all at the same time. Which means, according to the hygienist and also the dentist, who said the same thing later, she was a coroner with just a nursing degree.

The dentist was thrilled to pieces when he came in and saw the hygienist and I chatting about dead bodies. “Did you know,” he said, his eyes gleaming, “that when you get a blob of fat and squeeze it, oil comes out?”

The hygienist quickly googled pictures of fat while the dentist examined my teeth. “The sheriff was in the other day and he got a call about a suspicious looking truck, and when he went out, he found it swarming with bees, ‘cause some guy had shot himself and the bees were eating him.”

I usually have fairly nice dentist appointments, but this one beats them all. When the hygienist asked about summer plans and was told about my upcoming roadtrip to Texas, he was almost as excited as he was about my coroner plan. “Do it, girl,” he said. “Make memories. Have fun. Get into trouble along the way. Go to med school and be a coroner. And when it comes time for the election, I will vote for you.” Then, slightly embarrassed, “I’m being very motivational today.”

He was. Who needs therapy when you have a dentist appointment?


Rachel’s Thoughts: My Heart is Rejoicing Again

Much has happened since my heart last rejoiced in its own words. For the first time in a long time, this post is not a school assignment, but part of a brief catcher-upper to explain why my blog is in use again (at least for the time being).

It’s been one of those years. Over the past thirteen months I graduated from high school, began my freshman year of college, lost all my friends (twice), was given a new perspective on what it means to be “Christian,” gained a bunch of new friends and rediscovered some old ones, had a study group at 5:30 AM, learned what fennel is and what you use it in, learned how to make pizza, read some amazing books, watched  IP Man (if you haven’t seen it, go watch it right now), cried my way through some of the many, many oral finals, and learned that when I eat potato chips my tongue swells up like something from Harry Potter. It was quite a year.

My perspective on life has refocused a lot. It hasn’t changed, really, but some things are more clear now. I still see through a glass dimly, but God’s graces certainly are new every morning. For example, I accidentally stepped on a mouse at a farmer’s market and it exploded and I didn’t freak out. Much.

I moved from my bedroom into my basement. I have my own coffeepot, and I have a bright red wall and many, many lamps. The first three weeks, I also had many, many spiders, but I caught them all and put them outside and I think my cat probably ate some of them. Over the next few weeks the ants thrived (sizewise somewhere between cute little ones and carpenter ants), but they too have met their ends in the great outdoors. This week is known as the Week of the Centipede, and next week is looking like it might be the Era of the Beetle. If current livestock trends keep up down here  I might train them and sell them to the circus.

For those of you who are concerned about my little leggy roommates, I do have sticky traps. That was how I got rid of the rest of the spiders and a bunch of ants, but I’m learning that the centipedes don’t understand pain and prefer to rip a few legs off than die. Except their brains are too small to understand they’ll just get stuck again. I keep finding little legs lining the glue and a stuck, legless centipede a few inches past.

I feel kind of bad for the beetles, though. I don’t get the impression they have malicious intentions.

If you want to pray for me, pray that God pulls an Exodus 10: 19 in my basement: “And the Lord turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts, and cast them into the Red sea; there remained not one locust in all the coasts of Egypt.”

So there you go. My heart is rejoicing again. Things keep happening and I keep thinking “OH I should blog this!” and then it just doesn’t happen. But it will, because my rejoiceometer is getting full and my laptop is charged. But now, there are beetles to be caught and centipedes to outwit, so I must bid you adieu until the next time.