Rachel’s Thoughts: Dentists and Validation

This week was amazing. This week I discovered the Validation short, the 24-hour music video by Pharrel Williams, Sherlock 3 (and watched all three episodes-smiles, tears, and absolute shock), and had a dentist appointment that might have changed my life.

 

Cats are fantastic. We were privileged enough to dissect them over the pre-Christmas term, and one of them was pregnant. The kittens were amazing. Fully formed, itty bitty little toes, tiny tails, their whole bodies size of quarters.

I love dissections. I always have. And I love Bones. So one day, I thought to myself, Rachel, you should be a mortician.

I was told after a few weeks that I didn’t want to be a mortician, I wanted to be a coroner, and after looking it up, I realized my vocabulary maybe isn’t quite what I thought it was and ‘coroner’ is what I meant all along. I had to go around and fix what I had told people. So awkward, especially since morticians are even creepier than coroners, and I think that even with as few people want to work with dead bodies, even fewer want to put makeup on corpses. Seriously, who does that.

So hurrah, I had a new goal for after college. Or at least, I did until the same lovely person who corrected my terminology also mentioned the seven years of med school required to coronate. Oh, the shock. Does it really take seven years of training to be able to say with certainty, Yep, he’s dead all right?

On the other hand, I’m good at drawing, so after I decided that eleven years of college wasn’t happening I decided to move to Paris and draw, sell my drawings to Americans, then move back to America and sell my drawings to China. I haven’t looked into whether the French will purchase drawings of China, but that would be nice.

I also want to travel with fairs and circuses as a caricature artist.

Right about when I became completely psyched to be an artist and was wondering what color beret to get, I went to the dentist and all the truth and inner thoughts and hopes came flooding out of my mouth when the hygienist, Mike, asked about my post-college plans. Pretty much every childhood wish, in fact, except my thirst for piracy. Seasickness eliminated that one long ago.

“Except for the seven years of med school,” I finished as his tools slid into my gaping mouth and began poking and prodding.

“Well, actually…”

It turns out that our county coroner, according to dentist’s-office rumor, is a practicing attorney, a coroner, and a nurse all at the same time. Which means, according to the hygienist and also the dentist, who said the same thing later, she was a coroner with just a nursing degree.

The dentist was thrilled to pieces when he came in and saw the hygienist and I chatting about dead bodies. “Did you know,” he said, his eyes gleaming, “that when you get a blob of fat and squeeze it, oil comes out?”

The hygienist quickly googled pictures of fat while the dentist examined my teeth. “The sheriff was in the other day and he got a call about a suspicious looking truck, and when he went out, he found it swarming with bees, ‘cause some guy had shot himself and the bees were eating him.”

I usually have fairly nice dentist appointments, but this one beats them all. When the hygienist asked about summer plans and was told about my upcoming roadtrip to Texas, he was almost as excited as he was about my coroner plan. “Do it, girl,” he said. “Make memories. Have fun. Get into trouble along the way. Go to med school and be a coroner. And when it comes time for the election, I will vote for you.” Then, slightly embarrassed, “I’m being very motivational today.”

He was. Who needs therapy when you have a dentist appointment?

Rachel’s Thoughts: Ode

Due to various assorted confusing misunderstandings and hectic end-of-senior-year stuff, I had to write two final stanzas for this Ode. Odes are supposed to be five verses, each with fourteen lines. This one is six verses, but the sixth one can be used in place of the fifth one (hence some repetition). 🙂

To the Sea:

This is not my image: courtesy of the Internet.

O deepest Sea, beneath thy stormy eye

Lies all the wealth the bounteous earth commands;

Above thy foam the flocking seabirds fly.

Your gleaming spray is tossed by playful hands,

And pearls encrust thy skeleton sublime;

Continue reading

Rachel’s Thoughts: Satire: US Security

I wrote this for my Lit class. 🙂 …

Illegal immigrants. Drugs. Terrorists. Mexicans. Canadians. Soviets. Germans. Iranians.

Escargot.

The government is afraid of all of it. Hence the tight borders and rigorous policing of said borders. Nuns get patted down at airports. Handicapped children’s wheelchairs are searched. Old women with metal hips cause delays and annoyance for security guards, and woe to anyone who tries to bring their own water bottle into the terminal. You’re traveling home from the funeral with your inheritance, a set of twelve full silver place settings? A likely reason for carrying a dozen knives. Full-body scanners have been installed at most major airports, an incredible invasion of privacy to be addressed at some other time.

Suffice it to say, the United States of America is highly safety-conscious. Seat belts. Speed limits. Airbags. Flotation devices disguised as airplane cushions. How much money do we spend each year paying security people to dig through travelers’ underwear looking for bombs or guns disguised as perfume? The primary reason for this is the September 11 incident, one of the biggest strikes of terrorism against the United States. A worthy reason and a just cause, to be sure, but one that has spawned incredibly ineffective counter-measures. Our defenses are just as flawed as they ever were—terrorists are devious, villainous, diabolical, and downright sneaky.

Americans are getting annoyed. People are dying in droves while we’re stuck in line with plastic bins and no shoes, trying to get all the liquids out of our purses and into little plastic baggies so they can go through the scanner. Terror is still striking, and America is still defenseless.

Only one thing can be done. Continue reading

Rachel’s Thoughts: A Poem To God

O Lord, your name forever stands engraved

Upon my heart; your mercy flawless craved

And sought with open arms to me receive;

I knelt before your throne and first believed.

Through many trials and temptations sore

I came, recalling oft the load you bore

That lightened was by grace and Father’s love;

By symbols formed: the cross, the fish, the dove.

Too trite, I feel, this poem my be for you,

Yet words are small and flow, I find, too few

For me to say the feelings in my heart,

Pierced as it is by your celestial dart.

Lord, I am not perfect, nor all white,

But for me came your son to conquer night,

His victory to me impart and free

My captive chains that once imprisoned me.

I live now free, a slave with liberty,

A life endowed with Christ’s own purity

And if I ever hope to pass those gates,

I will beseech the Lord who for me waits.

So may I close with words from time immortal

Who written were for men at death’s dark portal,

And giving them the credit for my boast

Forever praising Father, Son and Ghost.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow from high

Praise Him all creatures, drying tearful eye,

For he has come to take away all pain

Till Heav’n at last shall come to us again.

Rachel’s Thoughts: Sonnet: On Love

For my Lit class.

Though some say love is just a game for two,

Perhaps a star-struck moment, shared, then gone,

I strongly think these passions are not few;

Yet maiden hearts are never eas’ly won.

For many women fair have stood and mocked

Their lovers’ plight, and scorned the proffered hearts

Until their knights can free from dungeon locked

Their captive souls; then none can stop love’s darts.

Believest thou in love at earlie’st sight,

Or need he pass again? Throw not away

His love, lest thou be in some dreadful plight

Alone. Best love and live another day;

For I myself have love´d great (but lost);

True love is best, no matter what the cost.

Rachel’s Thoughts: The Glory of Shakespeare

I am hooked on Shakespeare. Not as much as I am on Edmund Spenser, but considerably more than Sidney.

“Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into hey nonny nonny.”