Some awesome puns, courtesy of http://www.punoftheday.com/:
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’.
The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.
The cowboy that got fired from his ranch job wasn’t crazy, he was just deranged.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
5000 hares have escaped from the zoo. The police are combing the area.
The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn’t the sole owner – there were strings attached.
Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.